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How to Talk with your Children so that they Actually Listen?

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The way we communicate with our children has a big influence on their capacity to learn and listen to us. We show them how we want them to respond to us by the way we communicate with them and others. 

Parents interact with their children in one of three ways, according to my observations. 

The first is a confrontational communication style. These parents yell a lot, scream at their children and use derogatory language. Their children retaliate in a variety of ways, including acting out more, being scared, shouting back, and disobeying their parents’ commands. 

The second type of communication that is usually noticed is passive communication. Parents who speak to their children in quiet, cautious tones frequently find that their youngsters walk all over them. 

Unfortunately, many parents are so meek that when pushed to their limits, they abruptly alter their tone to one of aggression. Assertiveness is the third method that parents may communicate with their children.

It is by far the most successful technique to connect with children on all levels. Firm, constant, clear, positive, warm, and confident communication is assertive communication. 

Communicating assertively with children is a genuine talent, but it demonstrates to your children that their parents know what they’re talking about and are willing to listen. 

Use your child’s name

Your own name is soothing to the ear. Our children are no different and getting their attention before delivering your word is beneficial. 

For example: “Raju, please go grab…”, Often, young toddlers can only focus on one item at a time. 

Before the talk, call your child’s name until his or her attention. “Siddu,” for example (Wait until she stops kicking the ball and looks at you.) “In 10 minutes, lunch will be ready.”

Use positive language

Avoid saying “no” or “don’t” all the time. If we tell your child, “Don’t drop that glass,” “Don’t rush inside,” or “Don’t drag your coat in the mud,” the concept and picture will get imprinted in their head and they will most likely drop the glass! Rather, attempt to communicate what you want them to do. 

This method of communication involves a great deal of thinking and practise, but it is well worth the effort. This kind of talk does nothing other than make your youngster feel worthless. 

Kids frequently shut off communication with individuals who use these terms and acquire a negative self-concept as a result. 

Positive and kind words create confidence in your kid, leading to increased happiness and positive conduct while also inspiring them to work hard and succeed. 

Children learn to mimic you and show others the same respect and admiration. 

Connect your child using eye contact

You might need to go down on their level or join them at the table. This also demonstrates to your children what they should do while you are conversing with them. 

It not only demonstrates excellent manners, but it also assists you in listening to one another. Before guiding them, say your child’s name until you catch their attention. 

It is critical that kids pay attention to you, and you should model this conduct for them.

Use your volume appropriately

When I was teaching in the classroom, I used to have a class next door whose instructor was often yelling. The youngsters would put their earplugs in and finally stop listening altogether. 

What a nightmare it was for the instructor to attempt to yell above the kids’ ruckus! At home, the same rule applies: never compete with a shouting youngster. Only speak when they have cooled down. 

If you utilise your voice volume correctly most of the time, you should not hesitate to raise your voice in an emergency. Shouting instructions or directives from another room may, after a while, fall on deaf ears.

Suggest options and alternatives

When you want your children to comply with you, it helps if they understand why they are being asked to do something and how it will benefit them. 

Even when there is no opportunity for bargaining, using terms like “when” and “which” gives the impression that the youngster has options. 

These words are significantly more effective than “if” terms. Rather than saying “no” or “don’t,” try to provide options. 

Keep it simple

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Too many directives provided at once might be difficult for young children to follow. When we ask for directions and are subsequently assaulted with instructions that we later forget, we can undoubtedly relate to that. 

Organize your requests into discrete chunks. Be responsive to their degree of interest in the talk, even if we wish to strengthen our communication with our children. 

If you get a blank gaze, it’s time to call it a day. If you find yourself droning on, consider taking a more direct approach the next time you discuss the topic.

Be gentle but firm

If you’ve decided on anything, don’t change your mind. Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page about the issue and stick to your choice. 

Your children may not agree with your decision at the moment, but they will understand that it is firm and will not bother to argue with either of you or pit one parent against the other. 

Make your requests sound important by speaking as though they are serious. Requests made in a wistful tone create the appearance that you are unconcerned about whether or not they will follow your instructions.

Give notice

If your child is completely absorbed in an activity and it is time to go, give them advance notice so they are prepared. Please begin saying farewell to the pet.”

Make discussion with your children a priority

Confidence, self-esteem, excellent connections with others, collaboration and closeness with you are all developed via open and comfortable dialogue with your children. 

Spend as much time as possible conversing with your children to strengthen your relationship and communication abilities. It’s important to remember that communicating with children is a two-way street. 

Talk to them and pay attention to what they’re saying; listening is just as vital as talking.

Don’t interrupt

When your children are telling you a tale, try not to interrupt or scold them. If you take your attention away from their tale and utilise the time to teach them a lesson, kids will lose interest in expressing their feelings with you.

Be thoughtful towards others

Consider how you communicate with your pals. Then consider how you communicate with your children. Are the tone and consideration the same? 

If adults devoted as much attention and concern to their children as they do to their friends, more beneficial interactions between parents and children would emerge.




Thanks for reading till this point. I hope that after reading this article, you will have a better understanding of how to communicate with your children.

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